Just Humans Being...

We spent a perfect weekend in Brittany last week, the north coast continues to fascinate us - so much so that we will be returning again soon. Somehow our work has just become crazy, even though we only look after one holiday let these days... A few of our regular local customers have also had relatives staying & so our job has become one big clean up. Along with 2 second homes needing to be blitzed, ready for their owners' arrival... It all just seems never ending, especially when in the mix - Bebe is agitated about this, that & the other. So just over a week ago, we both felt like we needed to escape... Bebe going into respite just wasn't enough, staying at home is nice - but we know that we will carry on doing stuff, things that need doing & which don't get done because we are either working or caring for Bebe. We were both exhausted & needed to be completely away from home, so for us - the perfect pick me up is to get our French fix! Neither

After publishing Saturday night's post, I heard a commotion upstairs & on investigation, found Bebe standing in her doorway with a broom in her hands - the broom is part of the barrier Sime sets up every night to discourage Bebe from going downstairs &/or venturing into our room during the night. It usually helps her to feel safe too, as she can get quite anxious about being on her own in the dark. We have a nightlight on the landing & various laminated signs - arrows to the loo, info on where she is & one asking her to go back to her room & that we'll see her in the morning!  The council social care department are going to let us try an electronic prompt device, on which we can record our voices & it will be triggered if she attempts to leave her room, so as she reaches for the door handle - our voices will kick in asking her to go back to bed... Clever! Will keep you posted on this, as we're quite intrigued! Anyway, back to Saturday nig

Time is flying by...  We can't believe that it's nearly 6 months since we left to pick up Bebe & she is for the main part, enjoying life. We do have the odd blip when she is quite low & agitated, when nothing we say makes a difference, but for the most part - she is fine. We have to remember that she can drift in & out of lucidity, one minute she seems so rational & on the ball, then the next she can be lost, insecure & child-like. We have discovered more & more  just how much Bebe can do & are realising that just like others with dementia, she is very good at pretending that she is still capable of doing certain things. It's not easy for her to accept help with her personal hygiene & she's at times desperately trying to cling on to her independence. We encourage her to do as much as possible for herself, but it is very sad to see just how much she has forgotten & equally it can be exciting when out of the blue, Bebe

Bebe struggles to retain information due to her dementia, but we find that by repeating things sometimes - it eventually sinks in...  It's quite shocking if you've never met anyone with memory problems, but at the same time it's very fascinating! Kay & Sime xx

Bebe seems to complain all the time about everything at the moment, but this morning she was in a silly mood & decided that her moaning should stop. Will it last? We shall see... Kay & Sime xx

Hello! At last, it feels like we have finally found the right balance of work, Bebe, home & play... It's been a tiring few months of trying to do far too much, while coping with Bebe, who after the initial honeymoon period - has struggled to settle. We realise that she will never truly feel at home & instead, she talks of going home on a daily basis.  We have thought on many occasions since Bebe moved in with us that we have perhaps made a mistake bringing her here & that she would in fact be happier in a care home with people her own age. When she's with us, she often tells us that we are boring & that she is bored... She doesn't want to get involved in anything & her ability to concentrate is very poor. There are fleeting moments when she snaps out of her misery & 9 times out of 10 - it's because we put her music on.  We decided that for Bebe's wellbeing & our sanity, she needed to increase her days at daycare. First she did 3

Bebe loves singing, so Sime dug out an old microphone. Dementia makes it a struggle for her to remember the words as well as she used to, but it doesn't stop her from having fun & of course - we are only too happy to encourage her! She also loves seeing herself on screen & even though the words are a bit jumbled, she's always keen on us sharing the videos & keeps saying "It'll give the world a laugh!" Hope you enjoy it. Kay & Sime xx

We are really getting into the swing of life with Bebe & she is doing wonderfully well... Far better than we ever imagined! She has been with us for 3 weeks now & has already got to grips with the stairs & where her bedroom & bathroom are... When she arrived she was unsteady & using a walking stick, we had to assist her on the stairs & getting up the step in her bathroom. Now she has given up her stick & can negotiate the stairs & step independently... Has she just gained confidence or is our vegan diet working wonders?!  We moved to Cornwall when Hugo was just 5 years old & although Bebe has seen him regularly over the years she just can't accept that he is now a young man, so sadly she greets him as either a stranger or thinks he is Kay's Brother! Bebe is loving day care & will soon be going in for regular respite.  We are missing being able to go out in the evenings, so once we are satisfied that she is ready

We seem to be getting into a routine with Bebe & have seen quite a transformation over the last week... Amazing what a hair cut & some new clothes can do! She is settling well & although there are periods when reassurance is needed, she has been able to move away from focusing on things which cause her distress. We have spent many hours talking & helping her to understand why she thinks the way she does. Some of the more mundane topics, Sime has now written about in a laminated letter - which we hand to Bebe when she starts to repeat herself & gradually the answers to these questions are seeping through!  She is loving her time at daycare, which is a great bonus & she is amazingly sleeping well - if we can persuade her to keep off the coffee at night! Bebe's had a go on her old typewriter, though found it a struggle to concentrate...  We'll get it out again at the weekend & keep encouraging her. We've also tried

Bebe is here with us at last... We found out recently that Bebe also suffers from Sundowners Syndrome & witnessed during our journey home yesterday just how quickly her personality changes. We were in the car & as soon as it began getting dark, she no longer knew who we were... She had been happy & relaxed, chatting away - when suddenly, she was filled with fear & agitation! She was angry on her arrival; the house was too cold, her room was too big, but eventually we calmed her down by distracting her with some of her favourite music & very quickly, she was dancing! She was on top form over dinner & had us all in hysterics...  She is having a problem recognising Hugo - it's been a couple of years since she last saw him & of course, he's a young man now. Last night he was Rodney, we have no idea why... She enjoyed the laughter as much as we did! By midnight, we were flagging & had to call time on the fun, again she bec

We've almost prepared the house ready for Bebe's arrival - most importantly, her room is ready... She will be going into our guest room, so we haven't had much to do in there. We've put her photographs up on the walls, put her CD player in place, clothes in the wardrobe & drawers, but kept it simple & clutter free. When Nan was with us, we made her room into a comfortable bedsit, but she tended to stay in there & almost cut herself off from us at times...  We want to encourage Bebe to spend time downstairs, she'll have the sitting room more or less to herself if she wants some peace & we've brought her TV down, so she'll be able to watch all her musicals again... She lost the ability to use her DVD & CD players a while ago, which was really sad - she loves music & we'll make sure she gets plenty of opportunities to enjoy them all again!  Lupe's already made himself at home & seems to be loving Bebe's

Life is set to change again for us. We have had a great time entertaining many B&B guests, but now have decided to stop & concentrate on the things that are far more important. Firstly, ourselves... Sharing our home with many strangers is quite exhausting & Sime in particular has worn himself out giving his all, something neither of us had really noticed until we stopped. Secondly, Bebe (Sime's mum) is going to be moving in with us... Her dementia is progressing, though the conditions she was continuing to live in were obviously not helping. We feel she has been let down by the social care support team, her carers seemed to be excellent on the surface, but in reality - she has been badly neglected. On our last visit, we found her flat in a terrible state. The cleaner had disappeared, her hairdresser had stopped going in & some of the carers didn't even bother to feed her! On top of all this, she has been phoning the police about her hot water &am

The busy times continue & it's not only work & B&B... In the last two weeks, we've received several calls regarding Bebe.  Firstly, she'd phoned 999 to complain that her electric heater was too hot... So it was suggested that she really needs to be assessed & a week's respite was on the cards... She refused to leave the house, so the carers are providing more support to keep an eye on her. Then we heard she smashed the socket that her heater plugs into & that she keeps turning her central heating off, so Sime asked the social worker to stick a label on the heating & we searched for an electrician. A couple of days later, it's all sorted... Then we get another call, Bebe's kettle has broken... So we've had one delivered today... Just hope everything will be ok now for a bit, although she does have cellulitis in one of her legs & we're struggling to track down the community nurses to find out more!  Yesterday was

First of all, thank you all for your comments about Bebe. We've had more stuff to sort out around her this week. Fortunately, from down here this time - but still time consuming.  We are still unsure what the future holds for her & whether she will eventually move down here... Working in social care for many years has left us both with little faith in any residential home. We have both witnessed abuse & neglect & feel it is such a difficult decision to make, we also promised Bebe that we would never put her into a home... On the other hand, she's not keen on moving all the way to Cornwall, so for now - we just hope that she can continue for as long as possible in her own home. We know all there is about vascular dementia, having cared for nan & doing huge amounts of research, but working with a variety of folks - lots with quite challenging behaviour stands us in good stead.  We know what hard, full time work it is & that it will have a big impac

We saw a tiny bit of snow on our way to Stoke last week... And it certainly was cold... The Trent & Mersey Canal was frozen. Especially in the marina at Festival Park... Some of the boats are residential & I thought we were tough... Bebe. The main reason for our visit... She refused to attend her appointment at the memory clinic, which resulted in me acting as referee & splitting up Mother & Son before WW3 broke out... She does have a point - why should she go along to be humiliated by questions she can no longer remember the answers to? And what will come out of going? Drugs to help her memory? Doubtful. Just a figure on a form to say whether her memory loss is unchanged or has got worse...  Who are we to force her to do something she doesn't want to do?  Sime feels it's important to be regularly assessed & so her care can be adjusted accordingly & I kind of agree, but if I was in Bebe's shoes - I probably would refuse to go too!  So she didn&#

We arrived in Stoke... The weather is mild, so I don't think we'll need the thermals on today. We're meeting with 5 people involved with Bebe's care. We've also found that she's being paying a plumber to do lots of jobs in the house & he's been charging rather a lot. Sime's going to find out what's going on there too... A busy day ahead, but so nice to have a warm start! See you later, Kay :)